My fellow Americans:

     Just over one year ago, I began the second term of my Presidency astride a great wave of enthusiastic public support for my policies and – or so I like to think – my ideas. In my second inaugural address, I said that historically through the growth and development of our great nation, we Americans “never relinquished our skepticism of central authority, nor have we succumbed to the fiction that all society’s ills can be cured through government alone.” I now stand before you in the wake of the exposure of my administration’s ominpresent surveillance programs and the farcial roll-out of the Affordable Care Act, meditating on the bitter irony of my words then. Those of you who doubted the sincerity of my pledges of transparency and obedience to the law have been vindicated, as have those of you Cassandras who warned against the our grandiose visions of so-called Obamacare. Yet for all this, these are only the main dishes at a banquet of disaster – the Benghazi cover-up, the IRS scandals, the further destabilization of Iraq by Al-Qaeda, the fake recovery, and all the rest of the contingencies that have become public knowledge since I addressed you here last year.  

     It has become difficult for even me to continue this hypocrisy of hope and change, yet for the sake of our nation I beg you to abide with me yet for a few years longer. As grey and Limbo-like as the next three years may look from your point of view, consider the alternative: would you have the country endure another exhausting impeachment and trial which will surely result in nothing greater than a censure or some other slap on the wrist? Would you prefer Joe Biden to myself? I jest, but only in truth.

     Is what I have done so different from what previous presidents have done? Do you not understand that power, like gold, is something to be hoarded, jealously, far from subjection to public oversight or opinion? Perhaps the reason I am so despised these days is because of how how greatly I have disillusioned you of even the possibility of hope – because my star shone all the brighter in your eyes, the worse it was when I fell from grace. You held me in such estimation that my betrayal stung more than it would have coming from a man of lesser perceived character. No one expected Nixon to save the world, so his betrayal of you, though disorienting, was not a mortal blow to your idealism. It remained for me, Barack Hussein Obama, to administer that thrust. My legacy will be not utopia but instead an irreversibly cynical American electorate. I am thinking especially of all the young people who voted for me in both presidential elections, all the first-time voters, all the formerly apathetic young people whom I electrified with my words. Not only was I to be the first African-American president in history – this truth alone being a lighthouse for the world, beaming the fruition of America’s unique promise – but I also had the ability to unite people behind me like no other political figure in recent history, American or otherwise. We could have done anything together!

     So when you realized that the whole time I was preaching the ideals of public service out of one side of my mouth while, Iago-like, saying something quite different from the other side to those in my confidence, it wounded you deeply. You may not even realize it yet. Perhaps years from now, when some other young and charismatic leader emerges with the potential to effect true change in this country – perish the thought – you will think of me, and reject them. You will never even know if they were genuine. You will deny yourself the possibility of accepting a political leader as genuine and you will teach your children to do so. Then you will realize my true crime. You would reject Pericles, you are so jaded now.

     What does the United States of America mean, as an idea? What is the promise of this city on the hill? What sets us apart from other nations? The catechisms that once served us no longer do so. To say “Al-Qaeda hates you for your freedoms” is now meaningless. What freedoms? The freedom to be terrorized by your own government? The freedom to be tyrannized? For what are the NSA or my Obamacare but terror and tyranny for you, the American people? We both know the plain truth now. It’s all out there. I can do whatever I want to you. I make decisions about your health care. I can read your emails and observe your Internet habits. I can detain you indefinitely without charging you with a crime and even torture you if necessary. I can bomb other countries in your name and there is nothing you can do about it – in fact, I can drop a drone missile on your house and you have no legal standing in the matter. I can sell your country’s assets to foreign corporations and send your jobs overseas. But most of all, most of all I can make sure that those who oversaw the financial collapse of the American economy in 2008 by treating the American economy like their own personal casino are never indicted for any crime or even publicly well-known. Heck, a lot of them are working for me.

     Who’s going to stop me? The Republicans among you? I have you perfectly divided. Half of you think you can win elections by imitating my speak-softly-and-carry-a big-stick Big Brother fascism, while the rest of you are compromising the likelihood of your candidates getting elected by discussing the authenticity of my birth certificate in public forums. To coin a phrase: bitch, please. I’ve got this sealed up for now. There’s nothing you can do about it. Maybe eventually you’ll get organized and get your internecine warfare under control, but in the meantime, you have to live with me.

     As for the rest of you, as painful as hypocrisy can be, I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world! Has there ever been anyone more powerful and less accountable? The State of our Union is weak, but my friends and I are strong.

     You will survive us, but we will survive you, as well. And with a much higher thread count, and in French cuffs.

     God bless the United States of America.

Thomas Davis – NEWSslinger Contributor