Campaign Promises: Puppies & Ponies

Hillary  Campaign Promises

As we sit here and count the days (552 days, 2 hours, 8 minutes, and 28 seconds as of right now… 27, 26, 25… it’s getting so close, isn’t this exciting? 22, 21…) until Barack Obama is officially known as “former President,” the field for the GOP is becoming more and more interesting. With each passing day, it seems, someone else is throwing his hat into the ring. Or, as the case with Carly Fiorina, her hat.

In the last couple of months the GOP has had the son of Cuban immigrants, a black neurosurgeon from Detroit, a female CEO of one of the world’s biggest companies, a senator from Texas who was born in Canada, and a couple of, – are you sitting down? – old white males. They’re the worst!

Of course that’s not including many more old white males who at some point will probably make a run at the Oval Office. Jeb Bush is probably the “oldest white male” of them all, a distinction John McCain has held since the end of the Civil War. Bush is exactly what those on the Left claim to despise. A retread, who’s mainly in contention because his family is wealthy and powerful. A father and brother, both of whom have occupied the White House, do not help Jeb’s aspirations to become President #45. In fact, they hurt his chances. America isn’t looking for Bush III.

Ahhh… but are they looking for Clinton, the Sequel, either? Hillary supporters would have you believe that they are, but let’s be honest: the enthusiasm for Hillary is like the opening act at a Stones concert. You’d rather be in the parking lot throwing one back than listening to what’s on stage. Call me when the headliners are ready.

Once again she’s going through the early part of the election process as if it’s a foregone conclusion that she has the nomination, and the election itself, wrapped up. Only a fool doesn’t learn from past mistakes. If the Stone Island Soldes pantsuit fits, right?

But let’s see if Hillary the Chameleon can outrun her competition. As of now, she has no stance on anything. She’s for “everyday Americans.” That’s great. As my dad used to say, that and a dollar will get you on the bus. It’s a slogan that means nothing. Name me a candidate who isn’t for “everyday Americans,” and I’ll find you someone who hates puppies, baseball, and cheesecake. Oh wait, that’s my wife, but you get my point—and she’s not running for President. If she was, I’d vote for her (a little sucking up to the wife never hurts, especially when you put it in writing), but I might be the only one.

Hillary loves puppies. In fact, she loves all animals. And children too. And ponies. Hillary thinks ponies are good. So there you have her platform. Hillary is pro-puppies, pro-children and pro-ponies. Oh, wait. Hillary loves balloons, too. Big, bright, pretty balloons. Everyone, especially the children, should have balloons and puppies and ponies. Life is good in Hillary-land. No difficult choices to make, no scandals ever to discuss, no opponents to run against her. The job is yours, Mrs. Clinton. Uh-oh…is that sexist of me? Would I refer to a man as a “Mrs.”? No. I wouldn’t, because, he’d be a man. She’s a woman. She’s married. Therefore, she gets the title of Mrs. It’s the only title she’s ever earned on her own.

So while the GOP is thus far putting forth a field more colorful than Hillary’s balloons, the Democrats are going with the tried and true – and boring – Hillary. Oh, they have Bernie Sanders, who has announced he’ll seek the party’s nomination. There are many, many reasons why Bernie won’t win. He’s a socialist and he’s from Vermont. (Okay, same thing. Fair enough.) But these politicians from the Green Mountain State are certifiable.

Howard Dean once ran for President after being Governor up there in Vermont. He was the media favorite in 2008, until the voters actually got involved. Dean lost to eventual winner John Kerry in Iowa and gave the infamous, “I Have a Scream” speech while Stone Island Hoodie Homme Soldes trying to motivate his followers after the loss. It ended with a yell, or a screech or a howl. Whatever it is you want to call it, it ended his campaign. Why? Because people Stone Island Manteau Homme Soldes realized he was what is clinically referred to as bat-sh*t crazy.

As for Bernie Sanders, the main reason he won’t be president isn’t that he too is a nut job, but that this country isn’t ready for a President named Bernie. We took a chance on a Barack, we suffered through a Jimmy, we Stone Island Hoodie Homme endured a Tricky Dick, but President Bernie? I don’t think so. If he went by Bernard, then we’d have to address his socialistic views. But he goes by Bernie. ‘Nuff said.

So that leaves (at least for now) Hillary running pretty much un-opposed. You can’t say the same for the GOP, who have got all the bases covered up to now, with many more to come. Scott Walker will get involved at some point, representing all of those who never finished college. What a coincidence: Hillary claims to know some of them. They’re called “everyday Americans.” Unfortunately, the ones in her campaign commercials are being used. Because once the Stone Island Soldes cameras go away, so does Hillary.

Scott JohnstonScott Johnston – NEWSslinger Stone Island Homme Soldes Contributor A longtime television Sports Producer/Writer, Scott Johnston is turning his attention away from baseball, football, and tennis and  towards his favorite other sport: politics. A husband and father of two, Scott lives just north of Boston in the very blue state of  Massachusetts. He writes about things other than politics in his blog . Originally from Southern California, Scott and his family moved to the Northeast almost 10 years ago and enjoy it very much, other than the winters and the politicians, both of which he finds cold, long (-winded), and hard to take.