California, Here We Come

 I just got back from a two-week vacation to three wonderful countries: Italy, France, and Spain. In Italy, we spent Christmas in Venice. I had been there before, but this was pretty special. Then we went to the South of France for a full week. You can do worse. Finally, we went to Barcelona for the first time. I absolutely loved it. I’d love to go back again for another visit.

 Yes, I’d go back to any or all of them for a visit, but I’m glad to be back home. The Democrats and those on the Left may want the good ‘ole U.S. of A. to become more and more like Europe, but not me. Venice, Nice, Barcelona: beautiful, charming, exquisite. Now give me back my passport.

 There are many reasons why Europe is a viable destination for a holiday, but not a viable place to live. Chief among them is that unemployment is sky-high, taxes are exorbitant, and EU countries seem to be lining up to see which one will go bankrupt first. We have Detroit for all of that, thank you very much.

 When taking a shower in France, if you’re lucky enough to fit into the shower stall, which was made for someone the size of Twiggy (Okay, I’m dating myself with that reference; I get it. However, from what I hear, the famed diminutive model of the 60’s now weighs over 350 pounds! She’s 64 years old and apparently really let herself go. She is now a plus-size model who goes by the name of Tubby), you had better be one of the first to get clean, because there isn’t enough hot water to go around for a family of four.

 Get in. Get out. No wonder they’re so enthralled with perfume over there–it helps mask the stench. Twice a day my wife or I would have to adjust the water heater in the apartment we rented so as to have enough hot water to wash the dishes later that night, or, God forbid, do a load of laundry.

 Of course, once you’ve done that laundry, get ready to wait a few days for it to dry. The environmentally insane Europeans don’t believe in the washer/dryer approach, just the washer. After two days, our apartment looked like a clothing store’s return department, with garments strewn over every chair in the 600-square foot dwelling. A clothes line might have helped, but it was cold outside, and I’m not Laura Ingalls-Wilder. It was either wait the two days for them to dry, or walk around in damp clothes. No wonder the French look like they’re in constant agony. You ever tried walking around in moist underwear?

 They haven’t seen the light in that regard because of another European energy-saving idea run amuck. The lights they have installed in hallways and public entrances are on timers. Let’s go through this process. Is it good to have lights that automatically switch off? I suppose so, once you’re safely inside wherever it is your going. But Part B of this equation is, what if you aren’t safely inside, and the lights switch off? Ahhh, didn’t think of that one, did you, Pierre? Not only is it now completely dark, I have no idea where the light switch is. In our attempts to locate the light switch, my daughters are inadvertently ringing doorbells up and down the hallway, which is always a nice way to meet your new neighbors.

 Did I mention that the lights are all fluorescent? I assumed that was a given. I think in France you end up in the Bastille for just thinking incandescent thoughts. My entire family pleaded guilty to this crime, but luckily for my two daughters, the biggest car in France only holds three people, so they were able to escape on foot. Seriously, my Big Wheel back in ‘73 was bigger than what these people drive, and my Huffy three years later would be considered an SUV. Both of those would be safer means of transportation than hoofing it, however.

 That’s because of the infatuation the French have with dogs, which is a little much for me. In fact, it’s a little much for just about everyone outside of Europe, including PETA. They’re everywhere. You can’t walk five paces without coming across a fresh pile of dog excrement. If they could figure out a way to turn this stuff into “green energy,” France would be the next Qatar. They’d put oil right out of business.

 Princess Diana died in Paris, France, before her goal of ridding the world of landmines was over. Ironically, that very same country has made it almost impossible to walk down any sidewalk without stepping on a gooey, smelly pile of dog feces. You would think this would be universally thought of as gross, but then again, these are the same people who eat goose liver, call it foie gras, and have convinced us it’s a delicacy.

Fools? Yes. Us or them? That’s the real question. 

Those on the left think that the nanny state that is Europe is an idyllic way of life. The government dictates what kind of light bulbs people can use, whether or not you’re allowed to use plastic bags at grocery stores, and how to correctly dispose of your trash. The Left thinks this is paradise. The Right refers to it as California.

Princeton Professor and NY Times columnist Paul Krugman will try and tell you that California is thriving. For a Leftist, it most assuredly is.

 So, who are the fools? I think we have our answer.

 Scott Johnston – NEWSslinger Contributor
A longtime television Sports Producer/Writer, Scott Johnston is turning his attention away from baseball, football, and tennis and  towards his favorite other sport: politics. A husband and father of two, Scott lives just north of Boston in the very blue state of  Massachusetts. He writes about things other than politics in his blog . Originally from Southern California, Scott and his family moved to the Northeast almost 10 years ago and enjoy it very much, other than the winters and the politicians, both of which he finds cold, long (-winded), and hard to take.